Indiscreetly beat meat to "One Beat"

Ray Suzuki reports: According to a report in Seattle alternative weekly The Stranger, a 40-year-old man with a penchant for masturbating and exposing himself at area indie-rock shows-- Sleater-Kinney shows, in particular-- was arrested at Sleater-Kinney's Showbox gig on September 29th after being caught, uh, red-handed by a sting operation coordinated by Showbox security, a private investigator, and Stranger reporter Amy Jenniges. According to the Stranger report, Auburn, WA resident Hyon Kim was fingered-- better make that identified-- by Jenniges shortly before the show and surruptitiously monitored by security as he allegedly put 'all hands on the bad one' and rubbed suggestively against the asses of two female fans immediately in front of him.

Now the Fork is no stranger to blatant wanking at indie-rock shows, but it's usually kept on stage, and it's usually the figurative variety. Unfortunately for the young women who happened to park themselves in front of Kim-- who according to Jenniges wears oversized shirts and loose, unzipped pants to conceal his wanton ministrations-- the alleged Sleater-Kinney Masturbator could not be apprehended until he actually commenced shanking the frank. "The guy was apparently well-behaved during the opening bands," Jenniges reports, "[through] the Quails' rock set and Shannon Wright's melodic show." So not only is this guy Seattle's premiere alleged indie-rock show masturbator, he's a snobby indie-rock show masturbator who will only choke his chicken to certain bands! Classic! (In a completely disgusting sort of way, of course.)

Jenniges has been tracking the Sleater-Kinney Masturbator since last December, when he allegedly rubbed against the journalist in a similar fashion, but was ignored. At this June's Capitol Hill Block Party Kim was arrested and charged on two counts of assault for similar antics during Sleater-Kinney's set. Despite the arrest, Kim has reportedly been spotted at other Seattle music events since, "doing the same thing with his dick," according to Jenniges.